Who do you want to be?
Sometimes we forget that who we are is not set in stone, but is constantly emerging, moment by moment, through how we interact with our environment and respond to the unfolding of events.
At times, we become so entangled in the circumstances of our lives that we lose sight of our agency. We forget that we can choose how we respond, and that this, in turn, shapes who we become.
“Why is this happening to me?” has to be one of the most disempowering questions we can ask. When we take things personally, we become the victim of circumstances. When we learn to observe what is happening without identifying with it, we shift from reacting unconsciously to responding with intention.
No one captured this better than Viktor Frankl when he said:
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our power and our freedom to choose our response.”
We can think of this as moving through three different zones.
The fear zone is contracted and reactive. It is a space shaped by insecurity, doubt, and anxiety. From here, we tend to act in self-protective and self-serving ways. This is a place of survival.
The learning zone is where awareness begins to grow. We become more mindful of what we consume and what we contribute. We pause more often, reflect, and begin to act with greater intention. This is where resilience is built.
The growth zone is expansive. There is more clarity, more trust, and a deeper sense of wellbeing. We are more present and appreciative. Even in an uncertain world, we begin to feel a sense of safety through purpose and connection. We are called to use our talents in service of something greater than ourselves. This is a place of thriving.
A simple formula I learned from a client many years ago captures this beautifully:
E + R = O
Event + Response = Outcome
It is not so much what happens to us that shapes our lives, but how we meet it. Whether we react unconsciously or respond with awareness determines the direction we move in over time.
As James Clear reminds us:
“Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.”